How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
