i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
