that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
