i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
