What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
