i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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