I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
