In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Randomize
