i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
