My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
