Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
