I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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