oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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