Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
