I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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