You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sex in a hospital.. check
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
