Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
