what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
