the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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