My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just found puke in my bra..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
