Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
