I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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