Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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