I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's official drugs can't kill me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
