I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
