Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
