He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
