I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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