I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My ass is underappreciated
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
