what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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