I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Damn victory sex feels great
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