I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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