Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize