is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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