Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
