Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
