if only i could text you this smell
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
this boner is exhausting
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
