It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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