But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize