My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
