does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
