ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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