Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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