He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize