i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
