i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I will pee on everything he values.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
