Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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