3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
North Korea, Best Korea!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
