apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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