you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
