Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
