your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
