it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
