I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
