Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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