Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
