booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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