You work out of a Hotel?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
