Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
