i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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