There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
