I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
