i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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