He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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