i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
