all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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