I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
