you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
