News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
