He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
