I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
