Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
