dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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