Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
