All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
