i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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