SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize