Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
