You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
