Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
