Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
