Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
