you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
