im drinking this country out of the recession.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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