we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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