Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
