i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
