hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
