wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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