do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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