it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize