marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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