I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
