I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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