I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
