Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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