OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
