I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
