you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
